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So, I got the mail today...and in it was a Christmas card with no return address addressed to me. It wasn't addressed here though, it was addressed to the trailer I shared with Travis in Swansboro... Dad got a card similar to this(addressed here) as it also did not include a return address, but it ended up being from my cousins down the street, and I doubt they even mailed it...probably just dropped it in the box one day.

Even curiouser...there was no signature. Nothing, nadda. I know it came from SoMD because when I got it, Travis was still here, and he pointed to the stamp at the top of the envelope and that's what the stamp says. After the "SoMD" it says "207" and I'm not sure if that's the beginning of a zip code or not. But I looked up Maryland zip codes that start with 207 and most of them are in northern MD. However, there were a few in PG county, namely Bowie and Andrews AFB. Now, I have two guesses for people they could be, but since I'm not entirely positive, I don't want to go knocking down doors to find out.

Like I said, it was sent to the trailer, addressed to my married name, and I SWEAR the handwriting looks familiar. I compared it with D's handwriting from my 11th grade yearbook, but he wrote that entry in cursive and this was, obviously, in print. Whomever sent it writes a hell of a lot like my dad because they alternate between capitalized and lower case letters in weird places. It's written like this:

KATIE N(last name all in caps)
246 CedARwood DR. and they write their 8's like little circles on top of each other.

Thing is, there's quite a few people I can think of that might want to send me a card to wish me a Merry Christmas, but wouldn't want to sign it to bring about drama or make me angry because we are no longer on good terms. But I have it narrowed down to two distinct possibilities and one very doubtful, but still a possibility.

Whomever did this had to know it would drive me bonkers, but they obviously don't read any of my online information because otherwise, they'd know that I was back in MD. That pretty much kills the doubtful possibility as she has an LJ. One of the possibilities, I MIGHT have sent an xmas card to their family last year...but I don't remember and if I did, I think they would have signed it because the family is old friends of ours. The possibility I'm leaning towards the most...I have NO IDEA how he would have gotten my address...

Ugh! This is going to bug me for a while, but I don't think that was their true intention, so I'll just have to make myself let it go...somehow. ;)
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Again, thanks to Dawn, I found another song to love. *girly sigh* Maybe someday. ;)

She's More

Andy Griggs

I like blue eyes, hers are green
Not like the woman of my dreams
And her hair's not quite as long as I had planned
Five foot three isn't tall
She's not the girl I pictured at all
In those paint by number fantasies I've had

So it took me by complete surprise
When my heart got lost in those deep green eyes
She's not at all what I was looking for
She's more

No, it wasn't at first sight
But the moment I looked twice
I saw the woman I was born to love
Her laughter fills my soul
And when I hold her I don't wanna let go
When it comes to her I can't get enough

So it took me by complete surprise
When my heart got lost in those deep green eyes
She's not at all what I was looking for
She's more

More than I dreamed of
More than any man deserves
I couldn't ask for more
Than a love like hers

So it took me by complete surprise
When my heart got lost in those deep green eyes
She's not at all what I was looking for
She's more

I also love love LOVE this song. Where was this song 5 years ago???? It totally explains why I kept going back to D, though I know it's totally not worth now. Still, this was our relationship...

He is sensible and so incredible
And all my single friends are jealous
He says everything I need to hear and it's like
I couldn't ask for anything better
He opens up my door and I get into his car
And he says you look beautiful tonight
And I feel perfectly fine

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breakin' down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

He respects my space and never makes me wait
And he calls exactly when he says he will
He's close to my mother, talks business with my father
He's charming and endearing and I'm comfortable

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breakin' down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

He can't see the smile I'm faking
And my heart's not breaking
Cause I'm not feeling anything at all
And you were wild and crazy
Just so frustrating intoxicating complicated
Got away by some mistake and now

I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
It's 2am and I'm cursing your name
I'm so in love that I acted insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breaking down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you oh, oh

And that's the way I loved you oh, oh
Never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you ..
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So, on the way down to NC, my sister told me there was a song on her iPod that she had tried to request for me my first day of work. On the way back, the song played, and she turned it up so I could hear it(as I rarely, if ever, listen to the radio anymore and I hadn't heard it). As I listened to the song, it was all I could do not to cry, but I think she found me my newest theme song...

Stronger Woman

I guess you could say I'm one of those girls
That's always been with one of those guys
You know the type
Like right now, he sleeps while I write
But it's better than crying
I'm worn out from trying
From loving a man who always makes it clear
I'm not welcome here
Just till he's horny and hungry
or needs something cleaned
And you know what I mean

But not tonight
'Cause come the morning light, oh
I'm gonna love myself more than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
The stronger woman in me

I'm going to be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
Won't lose myself again, never, no,
'Cause there's a stronger woman,
A stronger woman in me

Light bulbs buzz,
I get up
And head to my drawer
I wish there was more
I could say
Another fairytale fades to gray
I've lived on hope
Just like a child
Walking that mile
Faking that smile
All the while
Wishing my heart had wings

Well tonight, I'm going to be
The kind of woman I'd want my daughter to be, oh

I'm gonna love myself more than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
There's a stronger woman in me
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
I won't lose myself again, never, no
'Cause there's a stronger woman,
A stronger woman

This is me, packing up my bags
And this is me, headed for the door
And this is me, the best you ever had
I'm going to love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me even if someone cannot see
There's a stronger woman in me
I'm going to be my own best friend
Stay with me till the end
Won't lose myself again, never, no
'Cause there's a stronger woman
A stronger woman
There's a stronger woman,
A stronger woman in me,
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This weekend was pretty awesome, and surprisingly productive, but definitely what I needed to process the last week.

So, Friday night, as I posted...rather buzzingly on Friday...was a night out with the old W&C gals. I had a blast, but I was sorry to see that I apparently missed some hilarious adventures of 4 slightly intoxicated gals hitting up Target since I had to cut out early. The pictures speak for themselves really. :P Let's just say some of the events included dressing up in some hideous outfits and cart surfing. 'Nough said.

Saturday morning, I packed myself and Denise up for an early appointment with the Leonardtown State Farm office. I got my insurance switched up here and I applied for life insurance. Because of the amount of life insurance, I have to go get some testing done(bloodwork, vitals, the usual) to see what my premium will be. I'm hoping to get the preferred rate because, other than all the issues I had with my pregnancy, I think I'm in pretty good health now. I work out regularly, have lost quite a bit of weight and am now in a healthy BMI for my height. Nonetheless, the agent said since I put a downpayment on the policy, should something happen between the time I left the office and the time the policy is processed, they will automatically pay regardless of not having the testing done. I can't tell you how much of a relief it is to know that Denise and I are getting covered for everything: health insurance, life insurance and of course, car insurance.

The rest of the morning/early afternoon was spent getting laundry done and spending some much needed QT with my baby. DR texted me a bit about his race and I was actually right across the street from where it was occuring(it was held at his old school, Ryken). And then he asked if I was still feeling "anti-male" or if I would like some company that evening. I decided I could use some distraction and a way to forget my troubles for a bit. So, I asked him what he had in mind for dinner, we decided on salmon and Denise and I headed to the store after her nap. We got everything we needed for the week, plus the dinner supplies and I started preparations while she ate her dinner.

The dinner turned out fabulously! I was actually really proud because it was a new recipe for salmon that I had not tried before. But oh, it was delish! I prepared my famous glazed carrots, with a little something extra this time, orange peel. It really made a difference, although I will have to use that in moderation due to my fruit skin allergies. But I didn't use more than a dash and when Dennis made his amazingly yummy lemon cheesecake squares, he put lemon peel in those and I didn't notice a reaction.

I also made "baked"(ie...microwaved...the oven was occupied) potatoes and my version of Red Lobster's cheddar bay biscuits. It was nice to actually enjoy them this time as last week when I was actually AT Red Lobster with my dad and sister, I didn't really enjoy the meal because I was too worried about Denise. This weekend, however, she was sleeping safe and sound and peacefully in her proper bed so I was able to entertain without worry. :)

After dinner, we headed into the family room to take another trip down memory lane, this time, MY memories. We watched a couple of old Dent talent shows(featuring yours truly and Dawn performing "Sisters" in poodle skirts and tap shoes, as well as "Bingo the Clown"...Kevin and George the Great doing their magic act). We also saw the transition into brownie girl scouts for my old daisy scout troupe. It was a bit surreal to listen to my mom's voice...and see her as a brunette!

All in all, it was a good night. I'm very glad I put aside my frustrations of the week past to enjoy the company of DR. And I was quite touched by a comment he made after watching my "Sisters" performance about how he may have had a crush on me after all back then. He said I was very cute. :) To which I could not help but reply "yeah, but what happened, right?" ;)

He did tell me that he had discussed my...predicament with his mother this week. His mother works at the SS office in St. Mary's(which is why it'd be slightly awkward if I got the state job as I'd be working in that office one day a week...). She told him what I already knew, that the child support still has to be paid regardless of when the parent with secondary physical custody has the child in their care. I had confirmed as much with one of my attorneys, J on Thursday, and then ended up discussing it with the other one, M(who happens to be a judge) Friday morning. I had to laugh at M's response to my story. He simply said "that's beyond dumb, who the hell told him that?" And after I explained about the law firm and their website, J simply laughed and said "well, you get what you pay for." But I'm done fighting about it, and I still subscribe to that paragraph I posted the other day. In the end, it's just money, and I'd rather suffer the financial setback myself than to hurt Denise with further arguments over who is willing to pay who what. I realize that, in the end, she's the one who gets hurt the most. So, I'll let SS handle it. The less fights over it, the better.

Today was mainly spent preparing for work tomorrow and trying to gather everything Denise will need at daycare. She was rather clingy today. When we were at the doctors, they said she had a low grade fever, but I had not noticed her feeling hot at all since then. Today she did feel a bit warm, and this afternoon she would not let me put her down at all. I literally sat with her in my lap, or laying on me from the time she woke up from her nap, until pretty much when she went to bed with the exception of feeding her dinner. I liked the snuggling, but I'm a bit worried over how much this last week has affected her. I hated the way she cried at every exchange, and how she clung to me when I was taking her home. Thursday night, she cried the whole way home. I thought she was just really hungry, but she was still upset after her dinner. So, I picked her up and just held her, and she calmed instantly. Guess she just wanted mommy.

And I guess I should say something about my job. It's going pretty well. I'm loving having my own office again, and I really like my co-workers. J told me that he thought my first week had gone well and I seem to be catching on quickly. It's a lot of information at once and there's a lot that I'm responsible for, like two bank accounts. But I know what to do with them now and I think I'll get more comfortable with all the responsibility as time goes on. It works out that I started when I did because I had a 4 day week last week, this week is a full week, but next week is only 3 days. So, I get a bit of a breather instead of just jumping in with no holidays right off the bat.

Well, need to hit the shower and get ready for DH! Hope everyone else had a great weekend too!
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The week from hell is officially OVER! And to celebrate, I hit up Cheeseburger with my old pals from W&C. God I have missed those girls! I got there frustrated and aggravated having to deal with so much drama and stupidity this week(I had 10, TEN text messages after I got out of the doctor's with Denise...which took TWO hours, but I digress about a stupid fucking shirt...a shirt!!! I tell ya...) but by the time I left, I was in amazingly high spirits. I texted back and forth with DR and Dennis, drove with the music blaring(only upbeat happy songs or empowering ones...of course Defy Gravity was on that list...I LOVE MY iPOD!!!), but made sure to come home by the requested time my sister gave me so she could get up early tomorrow. I so needed that outing. The conversation was raunchy, hilarious, and SO much fun!! I definitely hope we do this again soon, ladies!

Denise was up to date on all but one shot, so that was a relief! She's all set to start daycare on Monday! I'm so happy I don't have to do any more long ass drives to La Plata, and then only get to see her for like an hour, if that, a night. I'm so so happy to have my baby back! I've got a raging diaper rash to fight before Monday(which I've been fighting best I can all week, but ya know, you can't make miracles happen when you're only with the kid for maybe 2 hours a day...). She didn't do too well at the docs, but we got through it, came home, she got dinner, and I left her playing with Aunt Dawn. I plan on making up this past week to her with lots of play and snuggle time. I think we could both use it.

The rest of my weekend is going to be pretty easy. Have an appointment tomorrow with state farm to switch my insurance up here and sign up for life insurance, probably should bring some paperwork with me for that. Saturday night, I have an offer for plans open with DR, haven't decided whether I'm going to take him up on it or not. Kinda feeling a bit anti-male right now, but it'd be a chance to cook again and I haven't gotten to do that recently. I loved when Dennis was home, I felt like I was cooking left and right for him and my family! But with work, I'm not sure how plausible that will be now. I also gotta make a run to the store to stock up with lunches and the like for Denise for the week.

God, tonight was just so freaking awesome!! It was just what the doctor ordered. I had the most delicious drink ever, had lots of laughs with the gals, and took some hilarious photos. They will be uploaded on my myspace tomorrow. I'm pretty spent and I still gotta take a shower and then do my nightly phone call. So, I'm signing off! Hope everyone has a great weekend!
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Obama won the presidency, Dennis is definitely coming home in December, and I got a job!!! I got a job with the law firm I interviewed with last week and I start Monday!!! And I have a great lead on a day care center that is similar to the one Denise went to in Roxboro!

See, Obama's economic plan is already working for me. ;) J/k! I'm so freaking excited!!! I go in on Friday to fill out paperwork, and then I'll go to the interview with the state(just to see what the position is all about) and then I start Monday!!! WOOT!!!

It's like the universe knew what this weekend was going to be like for me, so to balance it out, they gave me a great start to the week!!! Now I can face it with optimism that nobody can break!!
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Sitting with my brother, watching Desperate Housewives and conversing during commercials with both of us sipping on our wine preferences: pinot noir for him, strawberry white zinfindel for me. Happy birthday indeed.
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So, Denise and I headed up to Waldorf to meet up with Dennis and find her a Halloween costume. I originally figured I'd do a faery for her, but as we were wandering around Target, Dennis pointed out a monkey costume and said that we should go as the Wicked Witch of the West(better known as Elphaba) and her flying monkey! At first, I was kind of....not loving the idea, but when he pointed out that he figured since I had been so into the musical Wicked! lately, he thought it would fit this year. And ya know, I really started to like the idea. So, we went to Spirit(the monkey costume was too small) and found a monkey costume and a Wicked Witch costume!! I'm excited! And the monkey costume is warm, so she'll be warm for trick-or-treating and my costume is warm too!

We grabbed lunch out and then I dropped Dennis off to get Denise home for a nap. She slept in the car, and refused to go back down when we got home, so...she's playing behind me. He may or may not be coming down tonight for movies depending on whether he can get his dad's car or not before it gets too late.

My next goal is to get Denise a pumpkin, and I'm really wanting to take her to a pumpkin patch. My sister told me the church was having one, but I'm kind of leaning towards going to an actual farm. We'll see what happens though. Maybe the weekend of my birthday, I'll make plans to go to a pumpkin patch. :) I'm also hoping to decorate the house, but...gotta talk that one over with dad first. ;) I've got all the old decorations from the house in Indian Head here, so I think I could make this place look awesome!!

Anyway, I'm going to go entertain the little one.

Renn Faire

Oct. 6th, 2008 02:38 pm
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Yesterday I drove DR and myself up to the Renn Faire, where we met up with Kate and her friend Sarah, whom I've heard a lot about, but had never had the pleasure of meeting. DR and I got there close to 2 since I had to wait for my sister to get here from church to watch Denise. She actually left church a little early for me so I could get on the way, but...I didn't know she was going to be doing that, so I still had to get ready(turn myself into a "freak" as my sister called me by getting into costume) so I kind of killed that hope. Oh well, we got there about the time I figured we would and we had a good time.

One of the first things on our agenda upon arrival was to find sustenance, and DR was adamant that he had to have a turkey leg. So, while Kate and Sarah went wandering towards the Globe, DR and I set off in search of the popular faire treat. I have actually uploaded a picture of DR's first bite of said treat on my myspace. :)

We went back and forth between hanging out as a group, and splitting up into our respective twosomes throughout the day. While Kate and Sarah went to get Kate's runes read, DR and I headed over to the Globe to partake in some Bloody Drama(comedy show) and Shakespeares Scum. I was disappointed that Scum seems to have lost yet another cast member, but it was still entertaining nonetheless. DR bought me a rose to wear in my cleavage, as seems to be the trend at the faire. :P

By the end of those two shows, it was getting late in the day, so I decided to enjoy one more mead before it got too late and it would effect my ability to drive. DR, Sarah, and I wandered over to see the Witch Trial while Kate went off to Hack and Slash's beer extravaganza. I've never seen that, although I've considered it, but I always try to go to the Witch Trial in a futile hope of being choosen as the witch. Alas, I was once again looked over for someone else. Still, it was a fun time and I made side comments to DR as to what my answers would have been had I been choosen as the witch. :P

After the trial, DR and I were once again on our own as neither Kate, nor Sarah was interested in a joust, and DR had told me he definitely wanted to see that while at the faire. We went to the last one of the day, after visiting the vendor of sharp, pointy objects, of course. :P I told him that if he enjoyed the joust so much, he should definitely make a point to visit Medieval Times at some point. I've thought fleetingly about going there as some sort of birthday celebration, but I'm still not really 100% sure of what I want to do. Since a few unpleasant scenarios have cropped up in my life lately, I'm kind of leaning towards locking myself in my room and pretending the world doesn't exist on that day. :)

Anyway, we stayed much later at the faire than I ever have before, and I found myself desperately wishing we could stay even longer. I had a lot of fun wandering around the grounds as the crowds dispersed in the early evening and it was nice to not have to push through people to get where I wanted to be. It was tranquil, almost to the point of being eerie, as we wandered around the darkening grounds with the twinkling lights of the various shops as our only guide. Right before we left the faire, we passed the Pyrates Royale, and some various characters from court(including King Henry VIII himself) sharing in the end of a pub sing. I got to hear one of my favorite songs from the Pyrates, their version of Auld Lang Syne. It was the perfect end to a wonderful day at faire!

Of course, after parting from Kate and Sarah, DR and I had quite the adventure of trying to find my car in a rather dark parking lot. Thankfully, he had a better memory than me and we found it after not too long. We headed home and I even made sure to get us both into our respective houses in time for our Sunday night shows. Family Guy for him, Desperate Housewives for me. ;)

All in all, it was a great day at the Faire! I'm looking forward to making one last trip while Dennis visits before they close for the season! I definitely missed faire last year!
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So, for those who don't know, my dad and my grandmother are both gone this week. My dad is only gone for the week, to NC with Karen, but my grandmother is gone to FL for a couple of weeks. It's just been Denise and I holding down the fort.

It's been...exhausting. I don't get breaks, particularly because Denise and sleeping are not big fans of each other. She does sleep most of the night, although the beginning of the night is always a fight for us, but once she finally does get settled, she usually doesn't wake up until morning. She did take a good nap today which meant that *I* also got to catch up on some "zz's."

Trouble is, I have absolutely NO me time because I'm constantly on call. Right now, she's whining, but not crying, so I'm going to wait it out and see if she conks on her own or if I have to go back in there and try to coax(ie...beg) her to go to sleep.

My dad is coming back either Friday or Saturday, although I'm betting on Saturday. So, until then, I am on my own. My sister came by tonight and my cousin has come by the past two days to help me a little bit, but I still have been in the room/house the whole time. My cousin helped out a lot on Monday though because he took Denise around the store so I could get that much needed shopping done.

I can tell you right now, Saturday night, I'm putting Denise to bed, making sure she's going to stay there for at least a few hours, and then hoping and praying my dad will agree to catch her if she wakes up so I can get some ME time. I don't know what I'm going to do, though honestly, just getting OUT of the house and spending some time by myself sounds like a good enough time to me. Knowing me, it will involve very loud music, a full tank of gas, and driving around. Maybe finding some secluded water that doesn't have a "no public access after dusk" sign.

Sunday is, of course, the Renn Faire and while that will definitely help rejuvenate me from this week, that involves people and I'm getting to the point of being very touched and talked out. So, I could really use some time to myself to just...process the last few months. Honestly? I've been so busy with Denise, job hunting, and reconnecting with people...I really haven't taken the time to reconnect with me.

So, that is my plan for Saturday and I'm desperately looking forward to my dad returning home!

In other news, my sister told me that I might still have a shot with her school if I get tested asap. If her principal doesn't like any of the applicants she interviews, and I get tested, she may then consider me and I'll get an interview then. So, I will be calling the HR department tomorrow and trying to get a time for this week. That means finding a babysitter for Denise, but I can try my cousins' down the street and Billy's mom as well, so I have options.


Sep. 29th, 2008 08:41 pm
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I went to the mall today. First time since I've been home that I actually went to the mall portion and not just walked through it to get to Ruby Tuesdays... I went shopping for clothes for Denise cause she's lacking in warm clothes. I bought her a couple of outfits and I bought myself 2 new pairs of jeans.

OMG you guys, I have dropped THREE sizes since I moved home! I knew I had dropped at least two, so I got the next size down and then thought, well, I'll try the size down after that, just to see. I didn't expect to be back in single digit clothing so soon, but I'm THRILLED! And the pants fit PERFECTLY! Plus, my knees have finally stopped hurting from running, so I got back into the post natal boot camp series tonight and I feel GREAT! I'm hoping to return to running after my birthday because running shoes are at the top of my wish list!

So, the rest of my life might not be up to par with where I want it to be, but physically, I'm feeling a LOT better! Who knows, if I keep this up, maybe I'll get back down to my high school size. Haha, and then everyone will ask if I'm anorexic again! I don't foresee that happening though and it's definitely not a goal. I have to agree with a lot of people, I was too thin back then.


Sep. 28th, 2008 08:54 pm
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Do you ever have moments of pure clarity? Where everything suddenly adds up and makes sense? Perhaps it's just like a lightbulb goes off in your head or you hear a song and the words just speak to you in a way that makes everything clear?

I had that moment today. I was listening to my song of the week that I posted in my last blog and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm tired of waiting, and...that's exactly what I've been doing.

It's like the quote I love from P.S. I Love You, where he says that she has to stop waiting for her life to start, this is their life, they're in it, and it's already started.

I just never stop waiting. I wait for that dream job to follow my dreams, I wait for that dream guy to follow my heart, I wait for opportunity to knock on my door...and I miss it. I spend so much time waiting for something that I miss the things that are right in front of me.

"Holding on, the days dragged on..." was probably the line that hit me the hardest. Because that's what I've been doing. I feel the rhetorical questions I asked about a month ago coming again. Only this time, it's not so much about pushing people away as it is...letting people go.

How do you let go of the ideal relationship and understand that there is no "happily ever after" because everything takes work, effort? How do you teach your heart that the euphoric feelings it feels when something is new and different, or when rekindling an old flame, won't last? But that doesn't mean that the relationship won't last. How do you teach yourself not to run when things get tough, to stick it out and see it through? How do you know when it's time to hold on and when it's time to let go? What if you're holding onto something so hard because you love the idea of it, but you're afraid of the reality of it? How do you give your heart away when you're so afraid it'll get broken again?

How do you embrace life without running at it so hard, you scare it away? How do you push yourself forward when all you want to do is scream at the world to stop turning, stop moving forward, and let you catch your breath? What do you do when you can't catch a break, when you don't know how you're going to survive tomorrow?

My thoughts are too disjointed to make any sense of tonight, but if you reread the words to "White Horse" that I posted yesterday, that about sums up what's been going through my mind today. I'm done with the fairytale. I want something tangible; something I can touch, and see, and hold, everyday. I want to stop living my life in fear because of one bad decision(despite what a huge clusterfuck that decision was). I want to trust my instincts again, trust my heart again, and follow it wherever it leads me. I need to be brave...but I know I'm not there yet.

This is the moment, I stand here on my own. With everything I have inside, everything I own. I can't be afraid, it's my turn to be brave...
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Watched the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy last night and I fell in love with this song... It took a while to find the lyrics, but I got them and a way to listen to it until the album is released in November.

White Horse by Taylor Swift

Say you're sorry that face
Of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to
And I paced back and forth
all this time cause I honestly
believed in you
Holding on the days dragged on
Stupid Girl
I should have known,
I should have known

I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before
You went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your white horse
to come around

Maybe I was naive
got lost in your eyes
I never really had a chance
I had so many dreams
about you and me
Happy endings, now I know


And now you're here at my door
Begging for forgiveness
Begging for me
Just like I always wanted
But I'm so sorry

I'm not your princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm going to find someone
somewhere who might actually treat me well
This is a big world
That was a small town
There in my rearview mirror
disappearing now
and it's too late for you and your white horse
it's too late for you and your white horse
Catch me now

Try and catch me now
Too late to catch me now...

New Lead

Sep. 19th, 2008 07:27 pm
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So, I got a new lead on a job...really an new lead on an old job, yesterday. I applied for this position with the state back in JULY, before I left Roxboro, and was really excited about it because it seemed like a great deal. Well, I hadn't heard anything since, so I let it go. Yesterday, I got what I thought was another rejection letter in the mail, only to open it and find out that I am among a few other candidates for this job and this list of "best qualified" candidates has been forwarded to the DSS where interviews will be scheduled. I'm stoked! It's the job I really wanted when I first was coming up here and to have a new shot at it is awesome! Not to mention, I found out after talking to DR about it that apparently his mother works there. Again, did I mention SoMD is like a small town over a large area?

I'm pretty hopeful about it. I'm also hoping to hear back from my sister's school next week. Other aspects of my life have taken on an interesting and unexpected turn, and I'm really happy and somewhat confused about them. I've got some thinking to do this weekend about where I am and where I want to go. But I'm happy. :)
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Last night I headed up to La Plata/Port Tobacco area to hang out with an old friend and fellow theatre alum, Draper. I haven't seen him in oh...6 years or so. It was good to see him again though, and we did a lot of catching up! He introduced me to a comedian, Bill Hicks, and also showed me the musical Across the Universe, which was awesome! We also reminisced about the good ol' days in Theatre, and I actually am going to be uploading some pictures I recently found from "Goodbye to the Clown." Very funny pictures, particularly for the inside jokes many of them will bring to mind from those who were in the play!

I came home LATE, like 3am. Then found out this morning that Denise was apparently up for 2 hours before finally going back to sleep around midnight. Oops! This is the second time that dad did not call me to let me know she was still awake. Last Friday, when I was hanging out with DR, she was up for a little over an hour, and he didn't call. But we're getting to the point of letting her cry for a bit and she's been doing pretty ok with going back to sleep, so that's good. I hate doing it, but sometimes she just will NOT go back to sleep otherwise. And we always go in there initially and then let her cry if she doesn't go back down for us.

It really is a small world. I got lost on the way to Draper's and had to call him to get better directions. I mentioned when I arrived that I was surprised I got lost since I used to deliver pizzas in that area. Low and behold, he reveals he works at the PJs I used to work at! I may be returning there if I can get them to work with me on daycare hours. Of course, everyone *I* knew has since vacated the place, but it has been 2 years, so yeah.

I've been spending my days straightening up my room from the addition of the items I had left here 2 years ago. It's been...a process, but I've made a LOT of progress and my room is looking like a room again! Well, except when I have Denise in here. She truly is destructo baby! Every time I put my books and movies back on the shelves, she proceeds to pull them all back down!

Well, she's cranky since she didn't sleep well, so I need to get her lunch and then get her down for a nap.
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So, I already talked about Friday and Saturday, which were a lot of fun. Today, Billy, Denise and I went to the Renn Faire and had a blast! We didn't stay as long as I would have liked, but Denise was getting tired and it was pretty hot, so we left. We did get to see the Rogues, Hack & Slash and a few other shows, and drink a LOT of water! We had a good time though. I got a lot of compliments on my dress, which was nice, but I really wish I had worn my belly dance costume. There was a woman belly dancing with the Rogues and I was in AWE of her! I so want to get back into belly dancing! I'm going to look for classes, but also look into instructional dvds...or just the exercise ones if that's all I can find!

Billy hung out after Denise went to bed and we wandered around the neighborhood for a bit. I'm glad I came back to Maryland in most ways because I'm really glad to reconnect with family and old friends. I'm supposed to meet up with another old Theatre friend this week, and I'm really looking forward to that! I feel like I've turned over a new leaf in the social spectrum because I feel like I typically always have something to do. And it helps that one of my most recent additions to that social spectrum lives right down the street!

I'm really happy with where my life is going at this point. I'm still a bit concerned about the employment situation, but I have faith that I will prevail! I'm on this whole positive kick lately, despite some of the potential tragedies that happened this week. Three of my friends were in not-so-great situations. DR was in a car accident, Stephen was in a car accident, and Dennis went through a hurricane. But they all came out ok, just lacking cars or electricity! Well, right now, DR is kind of lacking both...

Still, I think things are looking up and I'm looking forward to what heights they climb to!


Sep. 13th, 2008 10:41 pm
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For those keeping score at home, Dennis called me tonight about 9ish to let me know he was ok. He kept in communication as much as possible today, which I greatly appreciated as it helped alleviate a lot of anxiety for me. He doesn't have power, and hasn't since the storm hit last night, but he went to a store nearby that did have power, has friends nearby with generators and seems to be in good spirits. He said the rain and winds have subsided and that when he was on his way home from the store, the sun was out and it was a beautiful evening.
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The weekend has been pretty good so far. Friday night dad watched Denise while I went down the street to DR's and hung out. He took me for a walk down memory lane by showing me an old home video with a very incriminating scene between him and Kate at his birthday party. He has promised further footage that Kate will probably want to kill him for later! In the meantime, I am planning a trip down to my sister's to borrow some old Daisy and Brownie girl scout videos. I'm guessing Kate will want to kick both our asses after this!

Then today, my cousin was supposed to come over and help me go through all the old boxes of stuff in the garage that I left here when I moved to NC. I really need to go through all that, but I definitely was not in the mood to do it today. Instead, he and I had quite the entertaining conversation about our crazy lives and some of the interesting things that have happened in the last week. Then after I fed Denise and he went with us on our walk, we were hanging out at the house, playing with Denise until bedtime, when the front door opened and my sister walked in bearing 3 movies. After I put Denise to bed and we had some dinner(and some hilarious family banter), the three of us settled down to watch Baby Mama while my grandmother disappeared into the shadows of the upstairs. Within the first 20 minutes, Billy realized it was a total chick movie, and subsequently fled the scene! But Dawn and I had a blast! I really wanted to see that when it hit theatres, but I think that was during the initial escape to Roxboro, so...didn't have much time to think about pleasantries. It was hilarious and had a lot of great one liners. Definitely is on my "to buy" list, when I have the funds to do so.

Tomorrow I am contemplating a trip to the Renn faire. A friend of mine is celebrating his birthday and I've been debating on whether I can afford to go. I've been desperate to get up there since it opened, but haven't really made any definite plans. I know Dennis wants to go when he's home in October, but I'd like to get up there a bit sooner than that. Billy said he was up for the trip tomorrow if I did decide to go, which would give me someone to drive should I decide to take my built in air conditioning for my garb(ie...my hoop skirt). Maybe we could even find a way to fit the carseat in the 'stang. If we do, photographic evidence will be provided for hilarity will most likely ensue. Then again, it's supposed to be an INCREDIBLY hot day tomorrow, so not sure I want to drag Denise out in such conditions. For now, I'm playing it by ear, but will have to make a decision fairly quickly in the morning to get everything ready for a day out. If anyone is interested in going, let me know. I'm seriously craving Faire!

If I don't go, I may tackle those boxes tomorrow. I really need to go through all that stuff and weed out what I definitely don't need. I'm also half hoping to find my old poetry notebook buried in the rubble, but I'm afraid it somehow got left behind somewhere in NC. I need to make plans to make a trip down there as I need to pick up the few items I left at Will's. Anyone up for a road trip?
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So, I took a night off from hardcore exercising(my legs are still hurting from Monday, but I will press on!) and watched P.S. I Love You and part of Juno until my phone rang for my nightly conversation. I need to stop watching PS because everytime I do, I think how much I want to go to Ireland! I hope to get there when Denise is a little older and either take her with me or let her hang out with her aunt for a bit one summer. Probably long after potty training as her aunt is not a fan of diaper changing.

But I love that movie so very much, and I love the main song that's played on there. "Love you til the end." I found it on itunes and I'm posting the lyrics below. It's so simplistic in the wording, but it's such a pretty song!

I think we may have uncovered the reason Denise has been waking up at night. I've started turning on her fan at night. I was afraid to do that because she was so cold a few mornings when I got her, but it seems to be helping a great deal. So, we'll see. She did wake up once last night, but went back to sleep with ease.

I think this weekend is going to be a rather quiet one for me. My sister is going to be out of town and my dad is planning to head up to visit Karen. It's also supposed to rain all weekend, so the renn faire is out. I had hoped my dad would hang around because I want to go through all my stuff that's packed up in the garage from when I moved to NC, but I'm going to need his help to move it all around. Although, my grandmother did suggest asking my cousin to come over and help me, so that's an option.

Anyway, without further ado, the lyrics to "Love you till the end."

I just want to see you
When you're all alone
I just want to catch you if I can
I just want to be there
When the morning light explodes
On your face it radiates
I cant escape
I love you till the end

I just want to tell you nothing
You don't want to hear
All I want is for you to say
Why don't you just take me
Where I've never been before
I know you want to hear me
Catch my breath
I love you till the end

I just want to be there
When we're caught in the rain
I just want to see you laugh not cry
I just want to feel you
When the night puts on its cloak
I'm lost for words don't tell me
All I can say
I love you till the end
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The interview actually didn't go too badly. All the prep work I did for RB really helped out with both answering the panel questions and shooting back a few of my own. So, perhaps, going back to my belief in "everything happens for a reason" by putting forth so much effort into preparing for RB, I've brought myself to be a better interviewee.

I have come to the conclusion that SoMD is really a small town spread out over a large area, because I feel like I'm still in Roxboro sometimes. In Roxboro, when I first arrived, Will could not go to the gas station down the street without running into someone he knew. Consequently, it was typically someone he had fired, but...still. Well, today when I was called back for my interview, the woman who led me to the conference room and I struck up a conversation. She asked me where I had traveled from and when I told her Mechanicsville, she mentioned that she had a sister who had worked at MBMS for over 30 years. Being a former student of the middle school within the last 30 years, I inquired as to her sister's last name(assuming she was married). Her sister was my favorite teacher in the 6th grade! She was my English teacher and while most other students didn't like her, I did. It helped that she taught my favorite subject. ;)

I felt a lot more confident in my answers this time around than I typically do with panel interviews. The woman I mentioned above walked me back out of the building and told me she really liked the questions I asked and that I didn't seem nervous at all. I guess my acting skills aren't as rusty as I thought because I HATE panel interviews! And I thought there'd be only 3 people, but no, there were 4! But the one person who was intimidating me the most actually opened up and took it down a few notches when I asked my now infamous question of "why did you choose to work here?" I have got to tell you, if you want someone to break the mold a bit of being the objective interviewer and get an idea of their personality, ask that question. It puts the spotlight on them, and most people really have a passion for what they're doing and express it as they answer your question. I wish I had thought of this question YEARS ago!

I should hear something by Friday by phone, and if I don't get it, next week by letter(at least THEY will send me a letter...*grumbles*). So, we'll see what happens. It's in the middle of nowhere. For those of you who used to bitch and moan about driving all the way out to Port Tobacco to my apartment, you can kiss my ass cause this is even FARTHER down 6! And I passed it because there was only one little sign right at the road you were to turn down. But I found it, I think I did well, and should be hearing something soon.

After the interview, I stopped in Wal-mart to pick up some milk and juice for Denise and a movie I've been wanting to own since I was in Roxboro. P.S. I love you. OMG! Great movie! I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Irish accents!!! I also scored Juno because it was on sale! I love that movie! My favorite line is from that movie! "He is the cheese to my macaroni." So, I'm thinking tonight it's going to be a vegged out movie fest because I am WAAAY to tired from yesterday to do much in the way of exercise. Maybe some belly dancing, practice my routine as I may be performing it soon. Yesterday I about killed myself with boot camp during nap time, walking Denise, and then running after dark. I passed a woman that, had she not been walking with a cane, I could have sworn was Dennis' mother. But...he hasn't mentioned his mother needing a cane, and she's always been a very go-go-go kind of person, so I'm pretty sure it wasn't her. Whoever she was laughed at me as I ran by and told me to walk because it was much easier. :P

I also showed my ubber-dorkiness. I bought tinkerbell pjs. Yeah, I am THE dork. I saw them while I was wandering around the "intimates" section and I was just like OMG *squee* and so, I bought them. :) I found a giftcard when I was unpacking right after the move here and I've been waiting to use it. So, I splurged a bit!

I need to finish filling out the applications to my sister's school as well as the one for the Court Clerk(that would be SUCH an awesome job to get! Working on the opposite side of the courthouse would be such a great experience!). Hopefully one of these will work out for me and I'll actually be employed again!
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