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[personal profile] faery_whisper
Do you ever have a moment where you find yourself thinking "this is what I've been looking for?" I had that tonight. Sitting at a table in the house down the street with the family I grew to love for well over a year and I have missed so terribly in the time we weren't speaking... I felt like I had come home.

There's so many emotions going through my head this evening, I cannot write them all out. I know where my heart lies now, I know where I'm meant to be. All doubts vanished as I sat around playing games, laughing and bantering with the people that were like my second family.

I cannot express how happy I am to feel like I'm on the same team with my own family again. I cannot express how much it meant that my father, who rarely says anything to anyone, let alone speaks his mind to someone he can't stand, stepped up and told someone to leave his daughter alone. I don't care if he didn't do it for me, if he did it for Denise or if he did it just because Karen pestered him to. Whatever the reason, he did it.

Last year was probably one of the hardest of my life. And I can imagine that I've still got a lot of hard times to go through. But you can't beat the people you have in your corner. You can't forget the way it felt to take a night off from arguing, and instead enjoy the company of those you loved so much in the past, and the joy you feel at getting another chance at building up a relationship with them again.

I want to do things right this time. Not just for Denise, but for myself. I want to stop selling myself short, taking less than what I deserve and settling for only giving and not really receiving from relationships. This last week has been hell, and I'm still processing it. In some ways, I wasn't really up to the social aspect of the evening, but I'm also so incredibly glad that I went. Despite the emotional turmoil I had been put through, I needed to laugh like I did tonight. I needed to feel what I did tonight. Some of it was hard, knowing how much time I've lost because of stupid decisions, mistakes, and fear...but there's more time to gain.

I know now where my heart truly lies.
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May 2013

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