Day 3

Aug. 13th, 2010 06:59 pm
faery_whisper: (Default)
[personal profile] faery_whisper

Day 01 – Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love, in great detail
Day 03 – Your parents, in great detail
Day 04 – What you ate today, in great detail
Day 05 – Your definition of love, in great detail
Day 06 – Your day, in great detail
Day 07 – Your best friend, in great detail
Day 08 – A moment, in great detail
Day 09 – Your beliefs, in great detail
Day 10 – What you wore today, in great detail
Day 11 – Your siblings, in great detail
Day 12 – What’s in your bag, in great detail
Day 13 – This week, in great detail
Day 14 – What you wore today, in great detail
Day 15 – Your dreams, in great detail
Day 16 – Your first kiss, in great detail
Day 17 – Your favorite memory, in great detail
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday, in great detail
Day 19 – Something you regret, in great detail
Day 20 – This month, in great detail
Day 21 – Another moment, in great detail
Day 22 – Something that upsets you, in great detail
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better, in great detail
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry, in great detail
Day 25 – A first, in great detail
Day 26 – Your fears, in great detail
Day 27 – Your favorite place, in great detail
Day 28 – Something that you miss, in great detail
Day 29 – Your aspirations, in great detail
Day 30 – One last moment, in great detail

My parents. Well, as most people know, I'm down to one, biological at least, parent. My mother died 7 years ago from colon cancer. I count my dad's long time girlfriend, Karen, as a pseudo step mother, and when things hit the fan in my life, as they often do, it is usually her I turn to for guidance and advice.

My parents met young and married young. My mom was barely 18 and had been with my dad for about 5 years prior to marriage. Though they had quite the falling out in their marriage right before my mom got diagnosed with cancer, and divorce proceedings had commenced, at the end, he was right by her side.

My mother was a lot like me. She was headstrong, a little wild, but that's one reason I loved her so much. She was more disciplined than I am though, and she actually followed what her family suggested for most of her life (i.e. her parents...that she stay in her marriage despite feelings to the contrary). She sacrificed a lot for me and my siblings, and she was a great mother. She was very involved with our schools, always volunteering for something and she was very supportive of our matter how far fetched and impossible they might seem. Most parents probably wouldn't encourage a career in writing, but my mother did. From the moment my second grade teacher discussed my talent, my mother pushed me towards it. I'm not sure what she'd think now of my deviation to something a little less...creative.

My mom wasn't perfect though. There's things she did with us that I'm desperately trying to avoid doing with my own child. I didn't like how she encouraged our resentment of our father, who was not as easily able to bond with us as she was. She seemed to really take advantage of it when she left, and she expressed her disappointment and hurt with me openly when I refused to completely sever ties with my father. It's not an easy task, and I can understand her sense of betrayal in my insistance on continuing to visit my father often even after we left, especially being in her position now, but I feel like she had other options. She probably would have scorned at one of the options I've chosen to deal with my situation. Mental health was not something she ever really grasped...

My father is very much the strong, silent type, though I've noticed that without mom as his spokesperson in the last 10 years, he's had to come out of his shell more than he is used to. He has a good sense of humor when he chooses to unveil it. Having a relationship with him takes a lot more work than having a relationship with mom did. It was almost effortless with mom, although I can remember quite a few heated battles between my mom and I that were FULL of effort on both of our parts. Like I said, we were a lot alike and our stubbornness and tempers could get in the way of seeing the other's points. With dad, it still takes some extra effort. He is still strong and silent and prefers to show his love rather than express it in words. He worked a lot when we were kids, but that, to me, was his way of showing his love for us. He provided for us, we never wanted for anything, and he still provides so much for me to this day. His depths of forgiveness, and perception, are such that I'm still realizing them to this day. Relations with dad have been so strained in the past that I haven't been able to express issues or problems that have arisen in my life as well or as...quickly, as I should have, but he has continued to take it all in stride and show me forgiveness far beyond what I deserve.

All that said, I get my temper from my father. My mother expressed her temper in a kind of quiet rage. When she would fight with my father, she only got quieter as he got louder, and it was the same with her and I. When my father and I get into an argument, the house shakes. :) Doors, cabinets, and anything else that is slammable, slam. Things might get thrown, and anger comes in shouts, not quiet, stealthy responses like my mother. That said, I've learned to control my temper more as I've grown to be more like my mother's was...

And that leaves me with Karen, my pseudo step-mom. I won't go into any of my mother's boyfriends between the time she left my father and the time she died because frankly, I like to keep my blood pressure at a healthy level. :) But Karen has been in my life for so long now, it's hard not to think of her as part of the family. She's like my mom in that she keeps her temper in check when she's upset or angry, but she's more forceful and bold than my mom used to be. She isn't afraid to put my dad in his place when he needs it, and I think it's her ability to not back down that has helped their relationship to continue over the years. She understands my dad in ways I never expected her to and she manages to handle familial disputes among us with a cool calm. She doesn't act as spokesperson for the family the way my mom used to (it's no wonder we all suffer from horrible communication skills at times, we didn't have to work on our interpersonal relationships when mom was alive!), but she does help us talk through our feelings and see the other side of the story. She's a wonderful person and I know that no matter what, she'll always be part of our family in my mind. :)


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